Below are a few reasons why we have difficulties building cognitive flexible skills:
1. Habits- Some of us are so used to thinking from our own perspectives. We are so comfortable in our own ways. We ignore other possibilities and live in our own world. The lack of interactions with others may make it worse. Then, you might ask, why on earth is anyone so stuck in their own habits? One reason is the lack of security.
2. Lacking Security- When we grow up and experience constant rejections in what we say, think, or do, the end result is to just stick with our own ways of seeing and doing things. This is already a better outcome than those who constantly question themselves due to rejections. When we don't feel secure in venturing out, we will hide and get stuck in our habits.
3. Lack of Positive Experiences- Imagine if you are learning drawing, and you are told to follow a strict guideline in every stroke and choice of colors. The well-trained student will be perfect at imitation and technical drawing. As for those allowed to draw freely and explore their own styles early on, new and creative styles may emerge. By asking ourselves, where do we learn to think flexibly and creatively? The answer and follow up actions will help us think from multiple perspectives and become more flexible.
4. Humility- This is a basic quality to help us first receive feedback from others and the humility to accept the need to change. Our children are the greatest teacher to give us honest feedback and hold us daily accountable to change. If we are humble, we listen, become more aware, and accept the need to see things from their perspectives. If we refuse to change, we are just forcing them to conform to our ways of life. If we accept humility, we are co-creating a new journey of life, breaking old habits and family of origin baggage of Do's and Don'ts.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― C.G. Jung
“To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.” ― Stephen R. Covey
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