What is Crisis?
Any crisis is an opportunity for growth. Crisis happens daily. It stretches our perception, habits, and ways to relate to others and ourselves.
Developmental Crisis happens when our child first leaves our secured presence. Our child may cry, feel the loss or pain in separation. He or she may adjust quickly when they meet others who care and relate to them with acceptance. Other everyday crises may include making new friends and losing others, losing a familiar environment, and moving to new exciting ones. Growing up is filled with crisis. Those who adjusted well to any crisis are the ones who start with a safe attachment with a significant primary carer. Then, the necessary experience is shared with a mature adult who can understand and support the journey.
A traumatic crisis is experienced when the event happens too suddenly or too much for the child or family. When we are overwhelmed with this traumatic stress, we are too shocked to talk, understand, or seek support. That is when we need a community or experienced adults around us to intervene and assist the child or family in weathering through the storm.
We seek a safe environment to calm down before we can tackle the crisis. Then, we remember the essential skills that help to manage the situation at hand. These skills are best learned before an emergency occurs. These skills are best acquired with drills and practices in peaceful times. Like the earthquake survival skills practiced in Japanese schools, we can prepare our children and family members to face any crisis in life.
1. Seek out a safe place to calm down is of utmost importance. Do we have a home where our child can return without judgment or rejection? Instead, they can be themselves, emotionally and physically disheveled and disoriented. They can find a place called home to find and pick themselves up again.
2. While facing shock, emotional numbness, confusion, and struggles, they need a blanket, a pillow, a stuffed animal, a glass of water, an empathic word, or just a hug. Any practical help will strengthen that sense of safety and support.
3. Facing loss is healthy and necessary for any child to learn. When our children observe any death around or good friends leaving, parents can listen and articulate the emotions, struggles, and doubts when the family pet dies. This open sharing will normalize human reactions and create a safe space to explore and expand the capacity for handling life's complex emotions. This will enhance the resiliency of the child and the relational ability for future crises.
4. Connect emotionally by asking appropriate open questions like, how do you feel? What are you thinking about? what are your concerns or worries? What would you like to do? These questions will express your care and help our children think of solutions on their own.
5. Only until you have practiced the above four skills may you choose to offer solutions or advice based on your experiences. Remember, your experience may or may not match with theirs. Your advice may help or not be accepted in the process. Consider it as brainstorming, and it will be better off for all parties.
