3.1 Barriers to Behavior Consistency

 Barriers to Behavioral Consistency at home:

1. No routine- Everyone may have a different schedule to eat and relax.  There are no norms in when to eat together, no time to catch up and relax.  Everyone is doing their own thing.  To provide a family structure in eating, relaxing, and coming together to talk.

2. Unmanaged emotions- When emotions flare up, words are not censored nor think through before speaking.  There are hurt feelings, and the person shuts down.  Whatever needs to get done is suspended.  Step back and manage our emotions first before talking or acting.

3. Blame- Putting someone down does not accomplish anything.  Instead, it digs a deeper hole and blocks relationships. Affirm our children's strength and practice praises.

4. No time to reflect- If parents are too busy to communicate with each other or to think through what is best for our children, we are bound to act impulsively or act according to our own experiences.  We are not able to act upon the needs and pace alongside our children's development.  

5. Instant Culture- Changes take time.  Remember to take time out to breathe and encourage ourselves to take small steps to experience change firsthand (like doing exercise, keeping a diet, learning a language, and changing a habit).

"Thank you, dad and mom, for giving me a sense of safety and predictability because you say what you mean, and you do what you say. I know exactly what to expect when I cannot predict what will happen in the coming months at school or among my friends. I love you." ... shared by a student during COVID lockdown. 

3. Parent's Behavioral Consistency

 Behavioral Consistency is about providing our home with predictability and safety.  When parents do what they say, and when the child knows what is to come, this gives a sense of control and safety.  When there are abrupt changes around us, we look for stability, familiarity, consistency. When parents are consistent in their words, our child will experience positive encouragement.  It is a promise made.  It will be carried out.  Kids are confident that their parents or significant adults can be trusted because they do what they say and say what they mean.  These adults are trustworthy.  But when we do not follow up with our words, disappointment follows, and negative consequences of broken trust may occur.

Behavioral Consistency is also expressed through setting up routines in the homes—a productive timetable with work and play.  A verbal routine of praise and affirmation may build self-love.  When parents set up individual dates with their children, attention and affection can be expressed without the need to compare.  The consistency and structure of meal-times, story-times, and sleep-times are wonderful spaces to relax, talk and exchange affections and love.

Behavioral Consistency provides relational and environmental predictability for our children to feel a sense of control and safety.

In summary,  being consistent is to:

The ability to adapt to all the abrupt changes is to balance consistency and flexibility.