6. A Time for Everything

 As a community of parents,  I am grateful for the journey we shared this past year. I am blessed by the insights and questions that we presented to each other.  The time spent makes us wiser and more ready for the challenges ahead.  

As a concluding remark, I would like to share a quote from Ecclesiastes 3:11.  Kind Soloman said, " He (God) has made everything beautiful in its time.  He (God) has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end...." (NIV)

A time for reflection and a time for action:

We adapt as we listen to our children, observe their development and understand how to be a parent in times like these.  We collaborate with our children, with nature, and with God when we act.  We are fully aware of the needs and struggles of this challenging task as adaptive parents.  

A time to mourn and a time to laugh:

We adapt as we face the losses in life.  Our children are experiencing great social changes.  Their friends are leaving, they miss face-to-face contact, and they become more sendentary.  We as a family need to revive contacts, engage more with each other and bring back joy and fun.

A time to tear down and a time to build:

We all long to have a calmer time in the second half of 2021 and enjoy the new 2022 school year.  We hope that school may resume in full, travel bans removed and life return to relative normality.  "Faith, Hope and Love" are part of our longing for eternity.  Let us be a generation of adaptive parents not only for our kids but for this generation of lost time and experiences.  May they grow in physical health, relational closeness, and in favor with God and men. 

5. How well are you doing?

 We are coming close to the end of the school year. As parents in developing adaptive skills for the new normal, how well are we doing?

1. Cognitive Flexibility:  Am I thinking outside the box? Can I see things from my spouse's or my child's perspective?  Do I listen well while suspending my judgment?

2. Emotional Capacity: Am I able to label my own emotions first? Do I know what kind of struggles that my spouse or child is going through? Can I express my feelings and my needs so that the other person may understand?

3. Behavioral Consistency: Do I do what I say? Is there a routine that protects safety and establishes a healthy rhythm in my household?  Do I spend enough time at home to build relationships?

4. Crisis Management Skills: Am I aware of my spouse and my children's daily struggles?  Do I listen and journey with them? Do I have space for myself to relax and gather strength after a long day?  Am I good at managing crisis on both the incident level and the psychological level?  Am I ready to act to protect and provide for my family?  

4.3 Barriers to Crisis Management

 Families vary in their readiness to face changes and crises in their lives.  Here are a few barriers to overcome in developing practical crisis management skills.

1. Fearful about changes: Due to past trauma or lack of skills, we get stuck in the past.  We are incapable of moving forward.

2. Rigidity in thinking: We cannot entertain other new ideas or think outside the box.  

3. Lacking emotional capacity: Parents are expected to guide the family through changes. If either parent is incapable of feeling empathic, then signs are missed, emotions are discounted, and discussions are killed. 

4. Too busy: Time and again, when we are not available to listen or build a relationship,  nothing will happen.

5. Disconnected: When disconnected with the hearts, we may manage events well but not the relationships. 

Overcoming these barriers requires the humility of our hearts and the readiness to act.  Crisis management not only addresses the incident; it addresses the impact on the psyche and the relationship.