We are in an unprecedented time in history. Our children are going through tremendous external changes and internal adjustments in facing school, friends, family, and self. As parents, we want to support and journey with them. Often, we do not feel adequate nor equip to do so. Here are three skills that other parents have shared:
1. Cognitive Flexibility: It is the ability to think outside of the box. When the situation changes, we can solve the problem rather than wait for instructions. We can adapt new perspectives in understanding an old problem. We reflect as to improve. And we can see options more than issues. Even more critical, we can consider others' viewpoints, especially our children. Their perspectives open up a new vista of learning for us. Why would Jesus say that those who enter the Kingdom of God are like children?
2. Emotional Capacity: We need to be acquainted with emotional vocabularies and hear and sense our children's feelings. We do not rush to offer solutions, but instead, we can reflect on feelings and emotions. This capacity to listen, bear, and be with our children's emotional life creates a deeper bond and connection. This capacity is the key to normalizing and stabilizing the emotional storm that may come when our children reach their teenage years or face abrupt changes.
3. Behavioral Consistency: Do what we say provides relational predictability. Develop a routine amidst the chaotic changes provide environmental predictability. Both give our children a sense of control and safety. Routine gives a sense of security. This could be a verbal routine of affirmation, "I love you." It could also be a physical routine of hugs and kisses (or just sit next to them as they grow older). Verbal praises and affirmation are needed. Family meals, individual dates with each kid, playtime or bedtime stories are the best routine that reaches into their hearts. They will remember these fun and meaningful time as they weather through the storms of life.
4. Crisis Management Skills: Crisis can be transformed into opportunity. Young people deeply feel the impact when their friends change schools. Asking them how they feel will help the grieving process. Their identity and confidence mature when they learn about the losses and gains in life. As we face all kinds of systemic and structural changes in our society, we can choose to grow the experience into an opportunity or a crisis. We need leadership to anticipate possible risks and be proactive in formulating strategies and action options. Anyone who stays in their shell will not last.
We will expand and explore these skills together in the coming sessions.
Assignments:
- Please spend 5 min. to complete the survey below. We will share the result in our next meeting.
https://forms.gle/4Bro9afDxGdpdjiW6
- Please feel free to share your best practices with other parents in the comments section below.
